::domestic goddess::

sickness, be gone.

2009-10-29T09:31:00.002-05:00

If only it were that easy. My house is still a merry go round of illness. First, little Junior was sick, only to pass it on to everyone. After we all almost recovered, Adrian took a little turn for the worst, and then we found out it was H1N1. Yay... not.

Then I must have contracted H1N1, though I didn't go to the doctor to confirm it, I was crazy sick.

Finally, FINALLY we were all almost better.

Until yesterday, when the preschool plague was brought home by Junior again.

My poor little bub laid on the couch all day long and told me he couldn't "use his arms! they aren't working!" So sweet, so sick, and so sad.

I'm hoping when he finally rolls out of bed this morning, he'll be feeling better. He was mighty excited to hit the pumpkin patch and the apple orchard-- which obviously might not happen anymore.

All I know is that Lysol loves me and my patronage right now!

house of sickness.

2009-10-19T07:52:00.003-05:00

sitting here drinking my necessary morning coffee, i'm surrounded by a cacophony of sickness: sniffles, coughing, noses blowing.

We are that family-- the one who always swears, "we never get sick!" and then next week? Oh yeah, each of us, down with something.

I would be lying if I said that I haven't googled the symptoms for "H1N1" more than once and called the pediatrician many times.

I would once again be lying if I told you that I did not just offer my preschooler ice cream for breakfast, simply because he is not eating and I just want him to put something, anything in his mouth! He even turned down ice cream.

The worst part about being a mom is just that helpless feeling. I can't take away their sickness, and I can't magically make them better. It's the worst feeling ever and I'm just so desperate to have my happy, healthy, hungry boys back.

Brandi Carlile: Review & Giveaway

2009-10-16T21:59:00.002-05:00

When I first heard Brandi Carlile rocking out on Grey's Anatomy, I was awe inspired. Something about the music on Grey's always seems to stick with me-- usually the emotion on the show makes such a strong connection to the music for me.

After hearing the Indigo Girls at Lilith Fair, Brandi was inspired to learn how to play guitar and has been putting out some amazing indie rock since then. Her voice is absolutely amazing and her lyrics are very inspiring.

"Paste Magazine calls her the "best voice in indie rock" and her childhood idol Elton John duets with her on her new album, Give Up The Ghost being released by Columbia Records on October 6th."

The music has been inspiring me all day long, as I've cleaned, cuddled my babies, relaxed and ate dinner with my family, and most of all, just existed. It's been the perfect accompaniment to my existence.

And now, you can have that opportunity to. Need some inspiration or accompaniment to your day? One2One Network is sponsoring this amazing opportunity to win a copy of Brandi Carlile's "Give Up the Ghost".

So here's how you enter:

Comment here and tell me what is your daily music inspiration-- a song, an album, anything! Let me know what keeps you going.

For a chance to score some additional entries:

1. Follow me! Let me know that you are following.
2. Tweet this giveaway! Post a link to show that you tweeted and cared (one tweet per day).
3. Tell a friend-- if they enter the giveaway and mention your name, that's an entry not only for you, but for your nearest and dearest.

The contest will end on Friday, October 23. At that time, I'll randomly draw a winner! Make sure you've included your email, so that One2One Network can be sure to contact you for your mailing address.

the little meanie.

2009-10-16T21:14:00.003-05:00

No one wants thinks that their kid is a brat.

I mean, really. When you describe your kid, brat is pretty much one of the last words you want to use to describe them.

Totally understand that all kids have their bratty moments and it was bound to happen. But goodness, when I nicknamed little Adrian, I never suspected that Beanie would soon turn into Meanie.

But it has. It's hard to believe.

He's one and he throws the world's biggest temper tantrums. He screams. Wails. Throws his little body to the floor in protest of not being able to bang the Wii control on the TV.

Oh yes, and dare I think about the damage he's already done in their room? Just yesterday, I was picking tiny little specks of chewed up crayons out of the carpet, and no-- it wasn't from the dog and rather, I made the mistake of not getting the crayons back from Big Brother the night before and I was trying to pee in piece, without little hands rationing my toilet paper for me.

But for every little mean thing he does, every time I literally hang my head to think of the mess that's waiting for me, or the fight I'm about to break up between the Big and Little, I can't help but giggle at his sweetness. He's definitely my Jekyll and Hyde, but I can't picture our lives without him.

Five For Fighting - "Slice" review

2009-10-16T10:06:00.002-05:00

One2OneNetwork was kind enough to share with me a complimentary download of my ultimate favorite group ever: Five for Fighting's new album "Slice". And from the moment I finished downloading the album, I have not stopped listening.
There is definitely something on the album for everyone, whether you are a new fan or old. My personal favorite is "The Story of Your Life," not only for the beautiful lyrics and melody, but for the story behind the song, which was written for his wife, with whom he just celebrated 12 years.

To hear more of Slice for yourself, catch John Ondrasik on The Today Show on today! Friday, October 16. He also starts touring next week and An Acoustic Evening with Five for Fighting will be coming to the following cities (see his website for ticket information):

18-Oct Toronto, ON El Mocambo
20-Oct New York, NY City Winery
22-Oct Bay Shore, NY (Long Island) YMCA Boulton Center
23-Oct Uncasville, CT The Wolf Den
24-Oct Washington, DC Jammin Java
26-Oct Boston, MA The Paradise
27-Oct Philadelphia, PA World Café Live
29-Oct Nashville, TN The Belcourt
30-Oct Chicago, IL Lakeshore
3-Nov Salt Lake City, UT The State Room
5-Nov Seattle, WA Crocodile
6-Nov Portland, OR Aladdin Theater
10-Nov San Francisco, CA Swedish American Hall
11-Nov Los Angeles, CA Largo at the Coronet

You can also hear audio samples of Slice (and buy now for only $9.99!) on Amazon.

Seriously. You want to own this. It's the kind of music that not only makes you feel all warm and cuddly, but it's a great accompaniment to every day life.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T08:50:00.003-05:00

The best time in my day: after a long day of working, cleaning, bathing, diaper changing, frustrating toddler and preschooler antics: curling up together in bed, cuddling, and reading stories. I live for these moments.

A Review & A Giveaway

2009-10-04T07:14:00.003-05:00

I was recently sent some samples of Nature's Valley Granola Nut Clusters from the lovely people over at MyBlogSpark. When I ripped open the book (because naturally, I get a package and dive into it, I'm such a child at heart), I was excited to see four full sized bags of clusters in various flavors, a bag, a wonderful stainless steel water bottle, binoculars, and a flashlight.

I was all "HEY GIRL HEY!" and tried to at least hide the flashlight in my purse before my husband saw that amazing thing and tried to take it out to his man cave.

So the flavors were: Roasted Almond, Honey Nut Clusters, Nut Lovers, and Roasted Cashew.

I immediately checked out the nutrition info and wasn't too set off. For about 7 clusters, you are consuming roughly 140 calories, which isn't bad for a snack. So I set out to try out 7 of the clusters and see what it did for me (and my tum). I chose the roasted almonds, and sat down with my snack.

First of all, so tasty. I love granola, I love almonds, and there was a combination of sweetness and saltyness that I love together. Surprisingly, 7 of the clusters actually did fill me. The same holds true with the other flavors.

So now, here's your chance. Want to check out these clusters for yourself, as well as land a nifty price pack like I did?

Here's how to enter:

1. Leave me a comment (make sure you include your email address!) telling me what's your favorite snack, low calorie or not!

For additional entries, check out the following:
1. Follow me. If you are already following me, you rock. If not, do it now! Leave a comment letting me know that you follow me.
2. Follow me on twitter! @mamatisca
Leave me a comment letting me know that you are following me.
3. Tweet about the giveaway! You can tweet once per day for an additional entry. Leave me a link to your tweet!
4. Blog about this giveaway.

This contest will close on Friday, October 9th. After that, I will chose a winner via random.org and will email you with details for receiving your price pack!

Contest CLOSED.

Random.org chooses lucky comment number 7. Congratulations, Carolyn G. Be expecting an email to claim your prize pack!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-30T07:02:00.003-05:00

My little froggies. Sometimes they are brats beyond bratty and then I look at them or just watch them interact and they just giggle away with each other. They are going to grow up and be great friends. Of course, they'll probably be great at making plots to destroy me, but I'll take it.

Dippin' into Dips.

2009-09-25T07:19:00.004-05:00

It's finally here: football season, that is. Believe it or not, I love football. I love watching the games, I love the crisp fall season that it reminds me of. I love rooting on (and cussing out) my favorite team, the Chicago Bears. Thus, what's a better reminder of football season that delicious dips for appetizers?

So here is one of my favorite recipes, turned "light".

Light Spinach and Artichoke Dip
Ingredients
2 cups shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese, divided
1/2 cup nonfat sour cream
1/4 cup grated fresh parmesan cheese, divided
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
3 garlic cloves, crushed (In lieu of this, I often times use garlic salt, about 1-2 tsp)
1 (14 ounce) can artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
1 (8 ounce) package reduced-fat cream cheese, softened
1 (8 ounce) package fat free cream cheese, softened
1/2 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed, drained, and squeezed dry
Directions
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Combine 1 1/2 cups mozzarella, sour cream, 2 tablespoons Parmesan, and next 6 ingredients (through spinach) in a large bowl.
Stir until well blended.
Spoon mixture in a 1 1/2 quart baking dish.
Sprinkle with remaining 1/2 cup mozzarella and remaining 2 tablespoons Parmesan.
Bake at 350°F for 30 minutes or until golden brown.

Serve with veggies, crackers, and/or tortilla chips.

This dip always flies in my house, I usually have to double the recipe to ensure that I actually get some!

size 10 is not fat.

2009-09-24T07:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, something happened that I never thought would happen to me.

I fit into a size 10.

This might not be that epic to some of you, but for me? This was a moment in my life that I would have never even dreamed possible.

My skinniest size ever was a size 12. Throughout high school, I was pretty much always wearing an 11 or 12, until J & I reached that "totally comfortable" point in our relationship when I didn't care to out eat him and then size 14 became my size.

We're at the store yesterday because I really needed vacuum bags and I think, hm. I wonder if there are any dress pants on sale or clearance because as much as my students love me, I don't think they love watching me pull my pants up pretty much the entire class, nor do I think the 10 ft. crotch is too attractive. Just sayin'.

So I'm looking at some dress pants that happened to be on clearance for $8 and I grab a size 14. And they fall off of me, 10 ft. crotch, all that jazz. Color my shocked. So I grab a size 12 and head to the dressing room. Before I make it there, J says, "here! try these too. I know these will fit you." I grab them and look and it's a size 10.

Commence my laughter and insisting that there is no way in hell these are ever going to fit me.

But he insists I try, so I'm like, whatever, you just want to laugh at me.

I try the 10s on first and... I'm in awe. They fit like a glove. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or just run around the store telling everyone. So I settle for walking back out, sticking them in the cart, and just walking to go pay.

J definitely took the opportunity to bask in the glory of being right (it doesn't happen often).

When I started this weight loss journey, I never thought I would make it this far. I never thought I would be able to be successful at this in a healthy, lifestyle changing way, but as each milestone passes, I'm reminded of how determination can really aid in anything in your life.

I finally get it. I'm size 10 and I'm loving how far I've come.

that mom.

2009-09-23T10:43:00.002-05:00

I had Junior very young and I'm totally aware that because of that, there are a lot of times when I definitely stand out. I'm not your typical young mom-- I don't subscribe to a lot of things that other young moms do, especially in this region. My semi crunchiness gets a lot of looks, both good and bad.

I'm totally secure in my decisions that I make as a mom. I don't do them for shock or awe factor, I do things because it's what makes the most sense to me, it's what's best for my kids, and it's what works for my family.

Breastfeeding has been such a huge piece of my life for the past four years. When I first had Junior, breastfeeding was such a struggle. I could not get a grasp on how to make it work. I had latch problems, I was using a nipple shield for some time and then had problems with weaning from that, and then I developed the three month hell known as thrush that would not go away and made breastfeeding excruciating. But I didn't quit because I was determined to do this parenting thing right and in my eyes, that was the "right" way to do things for us.

But that didn't stop people for gnawing at me. My family would tell me that I've done enough, just quit breastfeeding! Quit struggling! He had the colostrum, that's all he needed! J's family would say that my baby was going to starve, he's never going to take a bottle! I'm ruining him! I'm selfish!

By the end of the first 6 months, people laid off me about it for a little while. I guess that saw that fire in my eyes that I was absolutely not going to quit until we were ready.

Until the first year passed. And I was still breastfeeding. Good Lord, did heads roll with that one. So then it all began again. The "you are STILL breastfeeding"? remarks. And it didn't quit until he weaned at 26 months.

Trust me, I'm dealing with the same thing all over again this time around.

But you know, it doesn't stop there. It was with everything: my baby wearing choices, my choices to always use a 5 pt. harness for a car seat. My choices are always questioned and they always seem to draw this negative attention in my direction because I'm going against what's normal.

Then you add in my age, and the fact that I look even younger than I am.

I seem to make people look the other way. The other moms at Junior's school don't want to chat with me, I'm the young weird one. I'm the one on the playground with him and the other kids, who is playing with him. I get asked multiple times, "You're his mom? Not his sister."

Maybe being a young mom wasn't for you. Maybe breastfeeding isn't your thing or babywearing is something you don't know about. And hey, if that works for your family, go with it.

And I'll keep doing what works for me and my family. I'll be THAT mom. And I'm totally fine with that.

School boy!

2009-09-22T08:02:00.001-05:00

School boy!
Originally uploaded by tiscareno

It happens to every mom but you just don't expect it to happen so soon. Your baby grows up.

Sob, sob, sob. And trust me, I did a lot of sobbing. Probably even more than him.

Yes, he's only in preschool, but for me, it's just a sign of things to come. Next year, he'll be attending all day kindergarten, eating lunch there with his friends, learning and growing and just being on his own, without me.

Why does school seem to symbolize that transition from a "baby who needs his mama" to a big boy, independent and on his own.

It's been a month of transitions. From changing his room to a "big boy" room with a new, twin size bunk bed and saying goodbye to the toddler bed, to days where he now excitedly wakes up and wants to leave for school already. He has a best friend, he eats a snack there and doesn't even remember any details when I try to soak them all in when he gets home.

He's growing up, before my very eyes, whether I'm ready for it or not.

from the boy's perspective.

2009-09-12T08:07:00.004-05:00

The following blog post is courtesy of Junior, age 4 (as transcribed by Mommy and with some thoughts from Adrian added in).
That's my mom and dad. My mom is really nice and she tickles me and takes me for walks, but umm... BEANY STOP IT. (Adrian: umm... yeah. gibberish gibberish gibberish.)

She makes really good food. I like when my mommy shares. I like when my daddy does not share germs (Editor's note: he's currently sick). I like when he shares milk with me.

My brother? He's playing with me. I love him! He looks like him and me! He's so cute, aw.

I like school now; I'm not scared! I'm not going to cry. I like that I get to play in different centers.

I like our house and I like that no rain gets on me.

My favorite food? Broccoli. Giggle. HEY HE'S PULLING DOWN MY PANTS! HE'S GIVING ME A WEDGIE.

I care about Beany; I mean, I didn't WANT to knock him down.

Mom, am I done? 'Cause I'm totally bored now. Editor's note: Yes, my son says totally bored.

Life, through the eyes of the four year old. All is simple.

Not Me, Monday

2009-08-31T08:05:00.002-05:00

< This blog carnival was created by My Charming Kids. Visit her blog to check out other "Not Me, Mondays". >
I would never neglect my blog. Never! I am absolutely not busy at all, and there is no way that I've been work 60+ hour work weeks. Not me!
I would never let my child lay on the floor and throw a temper tantrum. Not my child! He would never do such a thing and certainly not at one year old.
I would never eat crackers and cream cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That would be atrocious! That would be horrible! I would never opt out of dinner for crackers and cream cheese also. NOT ME!
I would never, ever send my preschooler in to wake up my husband. Not a possibility! He definitely needs his sleep and there is no way I would ever disrupt that.
Never would I consider the possibility of running away to a deserted island. I wouldn't do that! I wouldn't go as far as to honestly consider what I should pack. That would be horrible and neglectful and I would never want to get away from my precious angels who never cry and throw temper tantrums. They are the most well behaved children ever!
This has not been the worst month ever! No! NOT AUGUST! Not when the weather is so gorgeous and summerlike. Nuh uh. Not in Chicagoland.

Gotta love the Chicago Sky.

2009-08-01T07:50:00.006-05:00

One2One Network was offering tickets to take your whole family to go see the Chicago WBNA team, Chicago Sky, play and boy, I was all over that. I absolutely love sporting events, just love that excitement about rooting for a team and watching them play. Not only that, but I love taking my kids to places that are new and exciting.
So we loaded the family up.
The kids were interested in what was going on, in a roundabout way.

Junior, at first, was very "meh" about the whole experience. He doesn't deal well with crowds or loud noise, but once he settled in and started to relax, he loved the game. Well, not so much the game. But the very fun aspects of the game: The McFly kids, the drummers, the dancers, the jugglers.

Adrian, on the other hand, did not take his eyes off the action the entire time. He was absolutely enthralled.
If you're local to Chicago and trying to think of something fun to do, I absolutely say go to a game. It's fun, it's crowd pleasing for everyone in your family. It was the most family friendly sporting event that I have ever been to, and that says a lot.
If you and your family are interested in going and checking out a new sporting event, it's the perfect time! One2One Network and the WNBA have paired up to offer excellent deals. Check this out and get your tickets: http://www.one2onenetwork.com/content.cfm?cntid=62.

Enjoying the park!

2009-07-31T07:53:00.001-05:00

Enjoying the park!
Originally uploaded by tiscareno

As my babies get older and bigger, they play together more and not just playing alongside each other.
My heart grows so big. They are everywhere together, in their room, racing cars, playing ball, running around together. You never know how big your heart can grow with love until you are continuously amazed at how loving you are becoming.

growing pains.

2009-07-20T07:40:00.003-05:00

This weekend, my baby turned one and right before my eyes, he seems so much bigger. For him, the world probably looks exactly the same, maybe it's slowly getting more eye level as he gets taller. But for me? I was watching my baby all weekend long and just realizing that he will always be my baby, but he's not a baby anymore.
Running around, playing with kids as much as a one year old can, and just generally being sweet.
Telling me "up" when he wants me to pick him up, grabbing my legs and walking along with my when he doesn't want to let me go. He's currently chasing the dog from room to room, and just giggling like crazy. These are the moments that I bottle up in my memory and release them one at a time when I've reached that frustrated mom peak.
Selfishly, I don't want him to grow up. I'm not ready for my boys to be BIG BOYS. On their own, independent. As my boys grow, their need for their mama diminishes ever so much and daddy becomes more of the "choice" in my household. So when it's me, nursing at 2 AM in the morning, so exhausted, I just remind myself, this won't be forever. And soon, I'll want it back. But he'll be a big boy and it will be too late.

So for now? I'm clinging to these moments, desperate for my baby to remain little.

Video: Dance Machine

2009-07-16T23:09:00.001-05:00

Video: Dance Machine
Originally uploaded by tiscareno

My babies always love to dance. They hear any music and all of a sudden, their arms and legs are moving and tapping. They start shaking their booties. It's amazing and adorable and it's just one of the many reasons why my eyes fill with such pride when I talk (incessantly at times) about my boys.
So, yes. I apologize, because I am one of THOSE moms who cannot stop talking about their babies. But can you blame me? Look at this cutie shake his booty! It sways right into your heart.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-08T10:08:00.002-05:00

So big, brave, and proud while at the carnival and riding the rides for the first time.

Not Me, Monday

2009-06-29T14:45:00.003-05:00

This blog carnival was created by MyCharmingKids.net. Check out her blog for me "Not Me, Mondays!

This weekend, I most assuredly did not drink a beer before two in the afternoon. I would never do such a thing. I would never take my kids with me to a private party at a bar.

I did not allow my four year old to give himself tattoos with Magic Markers. Never would I do such a thing! After all, what am I teaching him?

I would never (ever) serve my child a brownie for breakfast. Not even if he was asking me so sweetly!

I did not ignore the mess in my bedroom and I always put clothes away immediately after laundering them. That's, after all, the responsible thing to do.

I did not eat McDonald's for dinner last night and if I had McDonald's, I would never enjoy it! That's blasphemy.
Blasphemy, do you hear me?

Peanut Butter Deliciousness.

2009-06-27T08:58:00.002-05:00

In trying to perfect my cookie recipes, I stumbled across this gem of a recipe. Even my father, the peanut butter cookie extraordinaire approves of these cookies.

Ingredients
1/4 cup water
1 cup of peanut butter
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of flour
1 egg
1 tsp of baking powder
Preheat your oven to 350ºF.
Mix egg, peanut butter, flour, water,sugar, and baking powder together. Stir until well blended. Make sure egg is stirred well and no longer visible.
Spoon even-sized amounts on a cookie sheet. If desired, use the back of a fork to press into the dough, making the traditional criss-cross peanut butter cookie design.
Bake in the oven for 10-12 minutes. To test the cookies, put a toothpick through one. If it comes out clean, they're ready.
After removing the cookies from the oven, let them sit for a couple minutes to cool.
Use a spatula to place cookies on plate or cooling rack if desired. Enjoy them when they've cooled!
Some tips that I've found definitely help your cookies: Refrigerate your dough! I actually refrigerate my dough for a minimum of 60 minutes, sometimes upwards of two or three hours. It helps the dough so much and the flavor of the cookie.
These cookies also taste divine with chocolate chips added. Yum.

Now I must go resist the urge to bake a huge batch and eat them all in one sitting. I think that would be counterproductive to my weight loss this morning!

I'm slumped.

2009-06-26T11:54:00.001-05:00

Just in a major funk lately and desperately trying to shake out of it. The current state of the economy and the complete and utter lack of employment in NW Indiana is really taking a toll on my mood.

Job hunting tips and tricks? What are your go to sites? If my hubby doesn't find a job soon, there might not be much of my mind left to lose.

No, really.

I've been busy...

2009-06-11T10:30:00.003-05:00

You know, when you have your first baby, sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the milestones and can't wait for them to do everything. I would find myself saying, "Oh I can't wait until he crawls! Until he walks! Is talking!"

Confession: With every new milestone, of course, I was excited and proud of him. But then I also learned something. Milestones in babies are things that make life just a bit more difficult for mommies.

No, really. No more plopping baby on the floor on a blanket with some toys and remaining worry free. Now you have to worry about the tumbles, what the baby is going to find and promptly put in his mouth (and my kids just love to put things in their mouth).

So, I've been neglecting my blog-- because my baby walks now. He does not stop moving. If he's not walking, he is crawling at lightening speed. It's especially funny when he gets something, puts it in his mouth, and I'm shrieking "ADRIAN NO! NOT IN YOUR MOUTH" as he giggles and crawls away as fast as possible (all the while, still shoving said item into his mouth).

Whew. So, I'm exhausted. This whole chasing moving baby thing is hard work.

Strawberry Pretzel Jello

2009-05-30T07:05:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite things about summer is all the delicious fruit and veggies that are in season. Yum! It's no surprise that I love strawberries and this is definitely my favorite recipe that includes strawberries. Something about the salty pretzels with the sweetness of the strawberries makes my mouth (and my tummy) extra happy.
Ingredients
2 cups pretzels, crushed (about 4 cups)
3/4 cup butter, melted
1/4 cup sugar
1 cup sugar
8 ounces cream cheese
Cool Whip
2 (3 ounce) packages strawberry Jell-O gelatin dessert
1 (16 ounce) package frozen sweetened strawberries (I love using fresh!)
2 cups boiling water
Directions
Crust: Combine pretzels, butter, and 1/4 cup sugar. Press into 9" x 13" baking dish and bake at 350 for 10 minutes. Cool to room temperature.
White Layer: Cream together cream cheese and 1 cup sugar.
Fold in Cool Whip. Spread over pretzel crust.
Red Layer: Dissolve gelatin in boiling water.
Stir in frozen strawberries, Chill until partially set (about 1 hour) and spread over white layer.
Chill until set and serve.

growing up in a flash.

2009-05-29T07:11:00.003-05:00

On Tuesday, my baby boy turned 4. Okay, okay. Sorry, Junior. I realize that you are "not a baby" and that you indeed are a "big boy". Excuse me a second while I go sob my eyes out, okay?

Not only did Junior introduce me to another side of me that I now wholeheartedly enjoy with every fiber of my being (motherhood), but he allows me to experience joy in ways that I don't think I really could, without his example. The simple joy, for example, in helping me make something as easy as scrambled eggs. The way he almost started crying happy tears because "he loves his birthday card" (just the card!).

This weekend, we will celebrate his birthday again and I'll reflect on the miracles that motherhood has truly shown me-- like laughter, experiencing your heart outside your body, the pure love that just radiates for your child. I'll do this again in July, with my little Adrian. Each birthday brings a new set of heartache for me-- my babies are getting all grown up, closer to a time when they won't need me as much, when my hugs and love will probably embarrass them. Even closer to a time when they will have their own life, separate from my household. While I'm sure each of those milestones will bring with it a new excitement, all I can do is dread the time when being Mom won't require such an active role in their life.
But for now? I'll just savor these little moments-- the birthdays, the joy, the laughter, and yes, even the temper tantrums and the tears.
Happy birthday, baby boy.